The past week, I was ill, but not physical. It started on Saturday with too much stress that I swear until now, I am not used to it. I thought it would cure up on the unexpected roadtrip and super short getaway on Sunday.
Boy, I was wrong. I woke up Monday morning feeling not okay, emotionally speaking. I still get out of the bed, and still managed to beat the time by one minute. I mean, I was at the office physically but my mind’s definitely somewhere. I was like that the entire four working days.
By Thursday, I can’t help it anymore, I posted too much emo Facebook status. That entire week, I was almost tempted to not go to work. But what will I tell my boss? Ma’am, good morning, I’m sorry I cannot go to work today because I feel depressed? Would that be a valid reason? So when friends ask me why I was late, I simply said that I was feeling lazy.
In the place I live in, psychological health is so underrated. How ironic ’cause I work in the field of psychology. I have never heard a student who got excused because she was feeling sad. People will still expect you to bring your A game at work. I admit I put off a lot of work I have to do this week because of this emotional fever.
I suddenly realize that fever should have two types, physical and emotional. Usually, fever is just this illness which force you to be on your bed the whole day. It’s like you need to have a 24 hour charging time, like the battery of a car. I call this sadness that I feel because I know it is nothing too alarming or too dangerous already. I just need a charging time but perhaps 24 hours is not enough.
I’ve been thinking too much for months now. Pressure and stress is a deadly combination, and I know I am the one who is hurting myself. I do not know how to fill the emptiness and blah-ness that I feel. How will I be able to be 100% efficient at work? Not that I need Zoloft or Xanax okay?
I wish whoever is reading this (that is if someone is actually reading this) is not on the the same situation. I hope you are all happy or at least not sad. I know that every once in a while, we have to feel something on the negative aspect of life.