I have known it for more than a month now. But actually saying it to my face made me disappointed real bad. It’s like what John Green said, that even though you know someone is dying, knowing that the person actually died is still shocking.
A month ago, I told someone who is a mother figure to me that I really don’t want that thing, that I am only doing it because it is what is expected. I told her that I don’t have the courage to tell my mom about it.
Before 2013 ends, I thought I know the Lord’s plan. He has given me an opportunity and I thought everything will run smoothly. I even asked Him at the start of 2014 to have a peaceful and smooth year because 2013 was the year that broke my heart over and over for all the aspects of my life.
I guess He still have other plans for me, or He deferred this thing for me because He does not want my heart to be broken again. I am trusting His time and His plans. I know now that when He closes a door, another one will open – and true enough, another door has open. So hoping to have it in few months, if it’s His will.