It’s one of those moments in my life that I am lost for words. I usually have a lot of things to say, though most often, I keep it to myself. Hence, the existence of this blog.

What should I do? What can I do? Do I have the strength? I don’t know.

This certain made me realize things – that I have been staying in my bedroom dreaming for too long, that “Books are all I know” definitely describes me, that I can talk to you about theories and algebra but have no idea how to face the realities of life.

No, this is not a self-pity post. This is rather a wake up post, an alarm to drag myself out of my bed and my room.

I am too naive. I’ve been living with too many ideals, and fictions. Let us talk about this book, or that musical, and I am all for it. But let’s talk about all the unfairness in the society, the cruelness of people, the injustice, the pain, the chaos people are actually suffering, and I am lost.

I am too weak right now. No, I’ve been weak and scared all the time. It’s like when my friend and I went to a fair about European Universities but I did not maximize the time. I mean, I should have asked more questions, should have clarified every requirement needed, and should have took advantage of the opportunity. There was a booth for scholarship, but what did I do? Oh,  I just took a brochure, thank you very much. When I learned that people go abroad to study, and have scholarship to fund it, I realized my dream of doing the same thing. I know I need good grades and recommendations, but I know that not every scholar for this international schools is Sheldon Cooper-intelligent. People are just Penny-passionate. See, all I know are stories on tv.

I just can’t wait for the future, being strong and not scared, to look back and say “Why did I let fear run my life?” I wish I could say it now.

About princessrenren

sharing personal things without actually being personal. i have more sense when writing than speaking.
This entry was posted in Everyday Life, Thoughts and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Strength

  1. esorenneiluj25 says:

    Same here. 🙂 When will we be courageous to follow what we truly want? When will be courageous to follow what we are ought to do in our life?
    We are too safe… too in our comfort zone…
    We should learn to be courageous….!!!! 😀

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