Maybe this is better left unsaid, eh?

I know you don’t deserve this rant, and I don’t have the right to blame you but I know I’m like a volcano that has to erupt its lava.

I’m not a saint. I am a sinner, but I’m not much of a sinner than those who really do bad. I’ve been good to you. I know being good for a long time does not give me the right to do bad. but i don’t do really bad.

But why my heart always end up broken.

I read somewhere that the people you give the hardest circumstance are your toughest soldier. I’m not your toughest soldier, I’m not even tough, nor a soldier.

I’m always the girl in the middle. Mediocre face, mediocre mind, borderline to nothing talent, nothing for the materialistic world special.

I’m not a goody good person but why do I keep on experiencing this? I keep on breathing, keep on holding, for a long time now. Should I also keep on hold for 400 years? I don’t have the patience, and honestly, I don’t think I can still keep up. My heart is broken already and though I know I should just hold you for my heart to get fixed, I find it hard.

I know, I’m sorry. You’ll probably just making something way special for me. But I don’t know. I can’t even cry anymore because my tear ducts have gone dry already.

It hurts so bad. I’ve been broken. And what hurts the freaking most is that I have to show that I’m okay, I’m happy.

It hurts, and I’m giving up.

You know what, I know every single thing I should know about you. They say we will never understand your ways. I know all the facts yet, I find it hard to actually understand it, much more to just trust it.

It sucks that I’ve learned everything about you. I heard all the stories, and while I am growing up, the things about you get bigger and broader.

Does this make me awful? I don’t know.

I don’t know my heart anymore, except that it’s broken.

-Ren, May 30, 2013,  7:57pm

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About princessrenren

sharing personal things without actually being personal. i have more sense when writing than speaking.
This entry was posted in Everyday Life, Spiritual, Thoughts and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Maybe this is better left unsaid, eh?

  1. Ren… “Be joyful always… Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:15 & 19 ( this is one of my favorite bible verses and hope you find something in it.)

    I know it is hard to live in this world full of confusions. Circumstances are most of the time unfair but at the end of the road.. it will get better… it will always get better.

    “You’re the apple of my eye.”–this is what God always remind me of, when things get worse and feels like I’m a dust in the crowd… He always have something to say. I desire that you find peace in your heart. That you find peace in God! 🙂

    You just have to hold on, Ren, well at least with your life. “Don’t give up in doing good because at the proper time, you will reap a good harvest, if you just don’t give up”-Galatians 6:9. I was there before, feeling little, feeling mediocre, feeling broken but I opened up my heart to God because no one could fix it but Him alone (even me, I can’t). Up to now, I know parts of me still are broken but you know what… what the heck… I have God on my side, in front of me, behind me, up above me and under me… so no one could make me feel little again.

    “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9

    “Find your worth and value in God. You have value because God loves you.” – Joyce Meyer.

    I’m always here Ren! You can count on me. You could always text me if you have problems…. Please, don’t hesitate to share your feelings with other people… you couldn’t fix it yourself…

    GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS…. I’ll pray for you… 🙂

    And one more thing… “you’re one in a million and you belong to Me and I want you to know that I’m not letting go even if you come undone. (a message from God).”

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