I know you don’t deserve this rant, and I don’t have the right to blame you but I know I’m like a volcano that has to erupt its lava.
I’m not a saint. I am a sinner, but I’m not much of a sinner than those who really do bad. I’ve been good to you. I know being good for a long time does not give me the right to do bad. but i don’t do really bad.
But why my heart always end up broken.
I read somewhere that the people you give the hardest circumstance are your toughest soldier. I’m not your toughest soldier, I’m not even tough, nor a soldier.
I’m always the girl in the middle. Mediocre face, mediocre mind, borderline to nothing talent, nothing for the materialistic world special.
I’m not a goody good person but why do I keep on experiencing this? I keep on breathing, keep on holding, for a long time now. Should I also keep on hold for 400 years? I don’t have the patience, and honestly, I don’t think I can still keep up. My heart is broken already and though I know I should just hold you for my heart to get fixed, I find it hard.
I know, I’m sorry. You’ll probably just making something way special for me. But I don’t know. I can’t even cry anymore because my tear ducts have gone dry already.
It hurts so bad. I’ve been broken. And what hurts the freaking most is that I have to show that I’m okay, I’m happy.
It hurts, and I’m giving up.
You know what, I know every single thing I should know about you. They say we will never understand your ways. I know all the facts yet, I find it hard to actually understand it, much more to just trust it.
It sucks that I’ve learned everything about you. I heard all the stories, and while I am growing up, the things about you get bigger and broader.
Does this make me awful? I don’t know.
I don’t know my heart anymore, except that it’s broken.
-Ren, May 30, 2013, 7:57pm